Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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