Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
