I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
