Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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