can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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