I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
