So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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