Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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