Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
