hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
