I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
