It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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