Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
