I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
