I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
