i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
