I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Congratulations! We have a period
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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