Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
