Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
