I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize