You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
