So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
