3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
