My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
