The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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