its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
