Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize