Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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