when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
