I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
