all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
