We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
