I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
