Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
