You work out of a Hotel?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
