So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
