She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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