I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize