Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never underestimate the power of titties
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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