I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
