i love accidental penises.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize