After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's Friday. Sex?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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