Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
