Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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