When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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