the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
