I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize