i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
