I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
