why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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