what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
