we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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