i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
