It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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