Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
