im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
