genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
