Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
