I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
