I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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