Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
