I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
