literally had 100 drinks last night.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
