so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
